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I Never Thought I Could . . . My Weight Loss Diary Part 4

I don’t like change.  Everyone who knows me knows I like things to be a certain way. I have my own little routines that I do, and I plod on doing what I have always done.  That is how my life is, this is fact.  So my question is what am I doing in the gym at this ridiculous time of the morning when I could be still in my bed?  Apparently the answer to this is it’s because I am changing.  I wonder if I say I don’t like things to change because it is so much easier to continue on with things as they are, rather than face up to the fact that I am unhappy.  Anyway I am at the gym so may as well make the best of it.
I am steaming on ahead with this diet and exercise, some days I fairly love it,other days not so much.  And then there are the days that I have to be dragged kicking and screaming through the pt session.  There hasn’t been a huge amount of those days but more than there should have been and I am ashamed of them but mainly I think that my trainer is pretty tough, she can handle it, and hey we can’t always be on top form can we? (I am saying this in a flippant way, I have learned that you take responsibility for your choices and on the days that are that little bit harder, you need to dig a bit deeper and find that bit extra to get through the session). 
So, progress is ok, my body is settling into a routine where I get a weight loss of about 3-4 lbs, then 2-3lbs the following week then a week with either a pound off or nothing.  I’m not perfect though and I can have weeks where I put on (and I can put on up to about 5 pounds in a week).  Some weeks you just feel like you are on a downward slide and that you are going to go back to your old ways and that’s when your trainer really comes into their own.  Without Louise, I would have been back to my old habits but she kept me focussed and when it took sometimes 2-3 weeks to get fully back on track, I knew the exercise would limit any weight gain and keep the damage to a minimum.  I feel that seeing my trainer once a week keeps me motivated to continue with losing weight and learning more about what my body can do. After a few sessions and engaging my core I felt as if my stomach had shrunk about 10 inches.  It’s when you feel your body reacting to the exercise that you know things are changing.  You are always thinking about what you are doing and how it will affect your achievements that week. 
My shape is changing, I feel like my stomach is beginning to get smaller at last.  I am apple shaped and have reasonably ok arms and legs but am carrying my excess 8+ stone around my middle.  Apparently apple is the unhealthiest shape to be as it puts you at an increased risk of cardiovascular disease and other illnesses due to the location of fat around your middle.  It’s now that I am a bit older that I realise what a huge amount of pressure I have put on my heart carrying all this weight around for so long.  It’s no longer a vanity issue to me it’s a health issue, although I do worry that I will be left with a huge saggy stomach when I get to goal weight.  (there’s another change there in my attitude –did you notice I said when, not if I reach my target weight?!!)
People are now starting to notice that weight is coming off.  It’s been about 3 stone now and there is aless puffy face on show and new smaller clothes are being worn.  I don’t like that people come up to me and say nice things, it makes me feel very uncomfortable.  It is very kind of them to comment but I really don’t want to talk about what I am doing and why I am doing it, I talk enough about it with the people who care about me and who are going through this process with me.  Yes maybe this diet and exercise is making me grumpy! There are other changes too, my skin is looking great and my hair is in better condition.  My personality is changing a bit too, maybe a bit more confidence to say no to things, a bit less of a doormat perhaps.  I am also now off caffeine and fizzy drinks (although the occasional one still sneaks in) and my sleep is the best it has been in years. My head hits the pillow and I am out for the count.  Oh and apparently I don’t snore anymore!!
So yes lots to think about, lots of things changing and it’s all positive.  Despite my moans and groans and the fact I know that bad days will come and it will be difficult, my head is in a good place just now.  And when that happens everything else just falls into place. There is no better feeling at the end of each week of eating well and exercising properly and you get the results you are looking for.  I wish it could be like that every week!
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